my breastfeeding journey has come to an end

It's official. Hendrix is done nursing.  It has been about a week since his last successful feeding and I think my milk is completely gone. The weaning was mostly painless because Hendrix did it all.  He just decided he was done. Just like that.

I am feeling mixed emotions about this.

It was my goal to make it to a year and since we are just a few short weeks away from that I will consider that goal pretty much accomplished.  It is interesting to think back along the journey.

In the very beginning, because he was a preemie, I had to pump to get his milk and then it was fortified (to help him gain weight quickly) and fed to him in a special bottle.  The nurses in the NICU were the ones that did this for the first couple of days.  

Then he got really good at eating, and the baton was passed to me to do the feedings.  It took several hard weeks of transitioning to get him to the point where he could successfully eat from my breast, and even then we had to alternate that with giving him my milk from a bottle so we made sure that he didn't exhaust himself and got plenty to eat.

In the beginning we were waking him every 3 hours day and night to feed him; which included both my pumping, and then giving him the bottle.  Looking back now, I can't believe how hard that was.  

I can't believe that I didn't give up.  

I am so glad that I had the support system of my husband and my mother encouraging me that it was worth it.  It was.  It most definitely was.

When he finally got to the point where he could eat himself and I didn't need to pump, I stopped pumping.  I actually even considered throwing the pump away because I was so sick of pumping!  Oh, and I had a freezer so full of milk that I couldn't fit anything else in it.  It seemed ridiculous because he wasn't drinking any bottles.....but it was really nice when he started eating cereal and I was able to mix it with breastmilk.

My sweet little boy started filling out and packing on the pounds.  He doubled, tripled, and then even quadrupled his birth weight all before he was nine months old.  He had multiple chins and plenty of chub!  It was so encouraging to see him looking so healthy since we were so worried about him when he was born so early and only weighed 5 pounds.

When we first started cereal he was not sure what he thought about it!  It didn't take long for him to fully embrace it but he remained an avid milk drinker as well.  He began to learn the 'baby sign-language' sign  for milk (use your hand to make the motion you would if you were milking a cow) and would use it to tell us he was hungry.

I absolutely fell in love with the bonding and closeness that came with breastfeeding my baby.  I loved the snuggles.  I loved knowing that he and I shared something that no one else did.  I really, really enjoyed it.

And honestly, once we got into the swing of it, I think that it was easy.  It was portable, it required no preparation or cleaning, it was convenient.  It took a while, but I got pretty comfortable about nursing in public - though it did get a bit harder as he got older and stronger and liked pulling the cover off of us.  I don't blame him.  I wouldn't want to eat in the dark either.  :)

When he started venturing into the world of solids, he was a pretty good eater.  I still really liked the comfort of knowing that it didn't matter too much if he didn't eat all his veggies because he was still getting all he needed from my milk.  

When he first attempted drinking water from a sippy cup it was messy.  It seemed like it took forever for him to learn the coordination of managing that thing on his own, and he really wasn't all that interested in it unless we added a little splash of juice to his water. ;)

He kept on growing more and more interested in imitating the things that we were doing, which involved less and less nursing, and more and more eating and drinking like a big boy.  He became pretty good at maneuvering a water bottle and still begs for a sip anytime he sees me drinking out of one.

Then he finally got some teeth at the ripe old age of nine months.  Fortunately for me they were only the bottom teeth (he still doesn't have any top teeth) so I never got bit while breastfeeding.  I consider this to be a major blessing!

As he continued to grow, he basically just didn't have time to nurse anymore.  He was just plain too busy.  He wanted to explore and couldn't be bothered with any activity that required him to sit still for more than 2 minutes.  During this period he reduced his eating schedule to only morning and night, and he started to get taller and thinner.  I sometimes worried that he wasn't getting enough to eat, but his pediatrician assured me that a hungry baby would nurse. 

Now my son walks and talks and drinks {whole milk} out of a sippy cup.  

Sure, I am a little sad to see this milestone happen.  But it is most definitely coupled with excitement as I love watching him grow and change and am thrilled to watch more and more of his little person unfold.

Now we need to go find some room in the budget for whole milk.....

Hendrix is a little chunker!

Hendrix had his first appointment with the pediatrician on Thursday afternoon, and weighed in at 6 lbs. 4 oz.  The doctor said that there could be a variation on her scale of about 1-2 ounces from the scale that he had been weighed on at the hospital......but even so that is still incredible progress in just a few short days!  (He was 5 lbs. 13.8 oz. on Tuesday)  She was so pleased, but still wants to keep him taking the calorie supplement for a while to make sure that we don't regress.  I am going to start trying to nurse him on both sides for 1 out of every 3 feedings starting tomorrow, and that will be our first step in trying to get him to breastfeed exclusively.  

I had gone out and bought him a few little preemie outfits, and as you can see from the pictures, he fills them out very well!  I imagine that he will outgrow them within a matter of weeks, and that is exciting because then he will maybe be ready to get into all the other cute clothes that we already had for him!  :)

Dr. Alexander gave the go ahead for us to start incorporating tummy time into his daily routine.  She wants us to put him on his tummy at least twice a day for 15 minutes while he is awake so he can spend time strengthening his neck muscles.

He is not really sure what he thinks about it!  In fact, he spent a lot more time using his feet to push himself up than using his neck muscles, and definitely fussed through the whole thing.

Daddy was right next to him talking to him and cheering him on and I am sure that he will get better the more he practices!  :)

We went out for our first family "date" last night.  We took the little guy to dinner at El Azteca, which is our favorite Mexican restaurant here in Ames.  The doctor had given me the okay to take him in public yesterday, though she said that she really wants us to protect him from being touched by strangers.  His immune system is still compromised, so when we take him out we need to try to keep him covered and/or in his carseat or another type of baby carrier.  (He is a little bit too small for the baby bjorn yet, but I can't wait to use that as it will make it easier to protect him!)  We have to be vigilant to tell people that they can look, but not touch; which I didn't realize was going to be so difficult!  I took him to target to get more of his calorie supplement and tons of people were like "Is there is a baby in there?????", wanting to lift the blanket to look at him.  Might have to take Daddy so he can be the bad guy!  Anyways, we had a really nice dinner, and just tucked him on the inside corner of the booth.  He was quiet and asleep the whole time, and it was really nice to enjoy an evening connecting with my hubby. ;)

Both Bud and I started reading him some stories last night around bedtime.  He seemed interested in hearing our voices, but wasn't interested at all in the pictures!  LOL  The stories basically just put him to sleep.

Look at that sweet sleeping child!  He has this thing about getting one or both of his hands out of his swaddling.  Though the swaddling definitely soothes him to sleep the best, he also kind of really wants to be free.

Now we are all dressed and ready for the weekend!  We don't really have any plans, though we have some things that we want to do around the house and yard to get ready for fall.  I have had my box of fall decorations sitting in the dining room for a couple weeks now, and I think I was just waiting for it to really feel like fall before I got out my pumpkins.  Now I am going to have to get out the box of long-sleeved clothes and sweaters so we have something to wear when we wake up to only 58 degree weather.  Better get busy with my projects!

Happy Weekend!  :)

Lazy Day as a Family

We didn't get discharged from the hospital today as we had hoped, but we did enjoy a long day of hanging out as a family!

Hendrix only weighed 5 lbs. 8 oz. at his weigh-in last night, so he didn't quite reach the milestone of gaining weight yet.  He did however pass the carseat test (which was where they had him sit in the carseat for an hour with a monitor checking his oxygen levels to ensure that it would be safe for him to ride in).  Apparently this can be an issue for little preemies, so we are glad that he did well!  The carseat is sitting in the nursery as a reminder that we are close to going home, we just have to be patient.


In the meantime, he has been spending 3 hour stretches of time in our room with us in between feedings, and we are finally feeling like we are getting to know our son.  We get to hear the little noises when he sleeps, we get to snuggle with him when he is stirring, and we get to show him off to those who come to see us.  He still gets worn out pretty quickly, so we are trying to just take family visitors while we are still at the hospital; but he got to see his Aunt Kate last night for the first time.

He also got to enjoy some serious cuddles this afternoon with Grandma Nancy.

I have enjoyed some precious moments with him as we have been trying to make more progress with the breastfeeding.  Today he was able to nurse several times, along with taking the 50 mls of pumped milk that they want to see him consuming.  We have found that he can be a bit of a lazy eater in the late morning - afternoon hours, but is much more alert and vigorous about eating in the evenings and nighttime hours.  A Lactation Consultant has been working with me to figure out how to manage my pumping (because I was actually producing WAY more than he can keep up with - in fact, we have already taken like 12 bottles of pumped milk home to put in our freezer.......) and also to help us be effective at helping him gain weight.  They weighed him this afternoon just to see if it looked like he was making progress, and he was up to 5lbs. 10 oz.  Now that isn't the official report - that will be at Midnight - but he still has one more feeding between now and then to hopefully boost that number, or at the very least to keep it steady. :)

Hendrix also enjoyed some special time watching football with Daddy today.  to be honest, I think he was thoroughly uninterested, but Daddy was okay with that!  lol

Since it was the big Iowa - Iowa State football game (and Bud and I both cheer for opposing teams) we compromised and allowed our son the chance to ride the fence!

Isn't he about the cutest football fan you have ever seen?


Well, tomorrow is another day and we will see what it brings.  In the meantime, I am absolutely soaking up every moment I get to spend with my little peanut and doting hubby.  Life is good.